She's broken up with me a thousand times. Hell, we haven't been in an official relationship for some months now. This was special, though. Only minutes earlier, she and I and her sisters were commenting on a picture in hilarious fashion. Then, I called her and asked her to be my Valentine.
She declined..
At first I figured she was playing hard to get. Then she changed her tone to tell me about a dinner she had with some girlfriends discussing boyfriends.. She listened to her girlfriends talk about theirs and as she started to talk about me, she realized that she didn't feel anything..
She has fallen out of love with me.
She proceeded to tell me all of this indirectly in so many words. My shit shattered.. I'm a girly man, so I'm just being a bit dramatic.. and a man none the less, so I'll be alright.. But she wasn't playing this time.
I told her that I wasn't going to fight her to stay for me if she didn't want me. She was adamant. I told her I would leave her alone. She said she didn't want that and I reminded her that being friends was not an immediate option.. She didn't protest in her usual manner.
She's exhausted.
She's found someone else to adore.
Something is different.
We get off the phone.. and that's it. No text back saying "Hold up, I was just playing" and no phone call or surprise direct voicemail. I'm quite sure she's done this time.. and I have no right to fight her for it.
Naturally.. I hate her for it.. But I am wrong.. I am emotional.. I won't hate her later.
She mentioned a new guy in her life recently. She doesn't find him attractive, but he has a great personality. That's how she described him.. She also told me that he was DETERMINED to make her like him.. She fell for the game.
The icing on the cake is that I was thinking about this today. It is in fact the reason I asked her to be my Valentine. I never had to ask her before..
It was automatic.
Things have been going differently. I felt the need to win her back. Every single rhyme I write has elements of her in it. She has never noticed or really appreciated that. I decided that this Valentine's Day I would make a song just for her. I worked on it for hours today. That doesn't fucking matter now.
Of course, a part of me is thinking that I should finish it and get her back. I bet it will work too.. But will it make her stay? I don't know. I've been having doubts about how she truly feels about me for awhile now. I think I know better than she does.
I deactivated my facebook and cut myself off from Twitter.. That way there will be no indirect communication with her to tempt me.. I am currently in the denial phase slowly inching into the anger phase as you can see with the f-bomb above.
It's been like 8 years. Off and on.. I've vicariously and directly been thru so many relationships, that I know I will get over this eventually.. But right now, I'm hurtin'.. And I can't imagine her not in my life. But what can I do?
The icing on the cake is that I was thinking about this today. It is in fact the reason I asked her to be my Valentine. I never had to ask her before..
It was automatic.
Things have been going differently. I felt the need to win her back. Every single rhyme I write has elements of her in it. She has never noticed or really appreciated that. I decided that this Valentine's Day I would make a song just for her. I worked on it for hours today. That doesn't fucking matter now.
Of course, a part of me is thinking that I should finish it and get her back. I bet it will work too.. But will it make her stay? I don't know. I've been having doubts about how she truly feels about me for awhile now. I think I know better than she does.
I deactivated my facebook and cut myself off from Twitter.. That way there will be no indirect communication with her to tempt me.. I am currently in the denial phase slowly inching into the anger phase as you can see with the f-bomb above.
It's been like 8 years. Off and on.. I've vicariously and directly been thru so many relationships, that I know I will get over this eventually.. But right now, I'm hurtin'.. And I can't imagine her not in my life. But what can I do?
