I am going through a lot right now. I know what you're thinking.. Why aren't you here by now? You should be. I wish you were. What I really mean to say is that I wish I were stable and responsible enough for you to be here and be comfortable. My internal struggle has turned out to be worse than I could have imagined. I realized recently that it all boils down to confidence. I don't truly believe I'm capable of achieving a life with you in it. That tears me up inside because it's almost all I could ever want. There's so many lessons I feel like I could teach you.. Except this one. How do you get up when you've fallen so hard? I can't say that I've been trying as hard as I can, and I sincerely apologize to you for that. Maybe if I were, I'd be holding you right now, rather than writing you a letter. It saddens me even more because family and friends are all having kids these days (congratulations to new mommies and daddies), and these kids could be potential playmates.. But since I'm not ready, you're going to have to look forward to the next generation of kids.. The little brothers and sisters of these new babies. I haven't given up on you though. That's why I'm writing you this letter.. Because I expect to give it to you one day so you can know that I love you more than anything before you even exist.. And I'm going to try harder.. because I may not quite feel like I can support you, I am certainly ready to meet you.
Love,
Daddy
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Why I Love The Present
The video above has been one of significant discussion in the past couple weeks. Ultimately it was a semi-harmless event that many people feel THEY wouldn't have put on the internet for all to see. I personally appreciate the gesture like no other. First and foremost, I appreciate the laugh. It's pretty cool in this day and age to be able to connect with strangers and their random humorous events. Beyond that, I appreciate the kinds of things it can inspire..
Pretty much EVERYONE has heard the Bed Intruder Song and possibly has seen the video that inspired it. The above video is the same thing, and in fact was done by the same people. Their YouTube channel is http://www.youtube.com/schmoyoho. They are very talented in music in various ways, being able to make music out of anything and they can sing and play instruments pretty well also. I LOVE THIS SONG! It's ridiculously adorable and has a great sound. Now here's where it hits home for me..
I've been trying for some time to get some attention on YouTube. The Mommy & Daddy Song gave me an opportunity. When they did the Bed Intruder Song, they welcomed people to do their own personal covers of the song that they would link in the video or approve as a video response, getting views for all kinds of people with various talents trying to gain some attention on YouTube. Within 5 hours of seeing the video, the above was what I came up with. It's a simple dance for anyone who enjoys this song and would like to dance along. Anywho, you can imagine my excitement when I noticed that Schmoyoho linked my video under Covers at the end of theirs with a little "dance along" caption.. Funny thing is, dancing isn't the talent I'm trying to gain attention for on YouTube.. but what can I say, the song made me wanna dance ;) So I moved on to the next step..
The above video is another cover someone else did.. One of the earlier ones. I thought it had a nice sound. I thought to myself that I'd like to do my own cover, but I don't play any instruments and I couldn't imagine trying to sing the original song. I rap.. So I took the above cover and used it as an instrumental for my own little Hip Hop Remix of the original Mommy & Daddy Song.
The above video is where I shine. If you knew anything about me before these videos, you'd know I am a lyricist. I write rhymes and deliver them in various ways, as seen on MY YouTube channel, http://www.youtube.com.RemTheMulatto. Now I don't usually sing, but I was inspired. And like it or not, both of my above videos are getting more YouTube traffic than I could have imagined. My second one started getting more hits after I decided to link it in my original dance video, and Schmoyoho *liked* it.
The thing that trips me out the most about all of this is that if I weren't up several nights ago checking out my subscriptions, I may not be getting all of this attention. And furthermore, if Schmoyoho hadn't generously linked my vid or approved my vid responses, I'd be getting no views.. So the moral is, opportunities are everywhere.. Don't doubt where you can find an opportunity because you may be surprised.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
5 Words..
This blog post asks the question, what 5 words define your life?
These are my five words:
sentimental creative narcissistic goof-ball mulatto
The author of the post talks about order being significant, therefore I tried to put my words in a significant order as well. The first four words are entirely internal. I stress how "mulatto" I am, but the primary source of my mulatto-ness is what people see.
I spend a lot of time in my own mind.. I appreciate black and white photos, asymmetrical landscapes, cloud formations, song lyrics, and other sensitive poetic bullsh*t. I try to focus on sentimental things rather than the harsh realities.
Everything I have ever been has always surrounded wanting to create. I used to draw. I come up with book, movie, and video game ideas regularly that I keep in a notebook. I write lyrics. I have older blogs where I've written things like stories, poems, analyses, and opinions. When it's gift time, I tend to make things rather than buy things.
For as long as I can remember I have longed for people to appreciate me. This stems into a desire for fame and constant attention. I was once told that it's not narcissism, at least in no extreme form, but that's how I have always perceived it because a large part of me cannot conceive why other people don't appreciate the things I do and am capable of.. And no amount of praise seems to quench my thirst. This is my curse.
I come off as quiet and withdrawn. Once I become comfortable around people, goofiness emerges from the silence. In fact, because I am most comfortable by myself or when I write, much of that silliness can be seen in my YouTube videos and my blogs.
I was born from a black man and a white woman. In addition, I grew up predominantly around black people. I typically speak like an individual of black decent with some, but not a great deal, of education. However, I went to high school and college with mostly white kids. Though my speech tells a different story, my grammar and spelling are very good. I've was born and have lived in both worlds, and they both have a large influence on me. I feel like an outcast and like I fit in anywhere simultaneously. From that has stemmed the idea that there are two sides to everything I do.. Two perspectives. Thus, I am mulatto in the physical and various metaphorical senses of the word.
These are my five words:
sentimental creative narcissistic goof-ball mulatto
The author of the post talks about order being significant, therefore I tried to put my words in a significant order as well. The first four words are entirely internal. I stress how "mulatto" I am, but the primary source of my mulatto-ness is what people see.
I spend a lot of time in my own mind.. I appreciate black and white photos, asymmetrical landscapes, cloud formations, song lyrics, and other sensitive poetic bullsh*t. I try to focus on sentimental things rather than the harsh realities.
Everything I have ever been has always surrounded wanting to create. I used to draw. I come up with book, movie, and video game ideas regularly that I keep in a notebook. I write lyrics. I have older blogs where I've written things like stories, poems, analyses, and opinions. When it's gift time, I tend to make things rather than buy things.
For as long as I can remember I have longed for people to appreciate me. This stems into a desire for fame and constant attention. I was once told that it's not narcissism, at least in no extreme form, but that's how I have always perceived it because a large part of me cannot conceive why other people don't appreciate the things I do and am capable of.. And no amount of praise seems to quench my thirst. This is my curse.
I come off as quiet and withdrawn. Once I become comfortable around people, goofiness emerges from the silence. In fact, because I am most comfortable by myself or when I write, much of that silliness can be seen in my YouTube videos and my blogs.
I was born from a black man and a white woman. In addition, I grew up predominantly around black people. I typically speak like an individual of black decent with some, but not a great deal, of education. However, I went to high school and college with mostly white kids. Though my speech tells a different story, my grammar and spelling are very good. I've was born and have lived in both worlds, and they both have a large influence on me. I feel like an outcast and like I fit in anywhere simultaneously. From that has stemmed the idea that there are two sides to everything I do.. Two perspectives. Thus, I am mulatto in the physical and various metaphorical senses of the word.
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