I am going through a lot right now. I know what you're thinking.. Why aren't you here by now? You should be. I wish you were. What I really mean to say is that I wish I were stable and responsible enough for you to be here and be comfortable. My internal struggle has turned out to be worse than I could have imagined. I realized recently that it all boils down to confidence. I don't truly believe I'm capable of achieving a life with you in it. That tears me up inside because it's almost all I could ever want. There's so many lessons I feel like I could teach you.. Except this one. How do you get up when you've fallen so hard? I can't say that I've been trying as hard as I can, and I sincerely apologize to you for that. Maybe if I were, I'd be holding you right now, rather than writing you a letter. It saddens me even more because family and friends are all having kids these days (congratulations to new mommies and daddies), and these kids could be potential playmates.. But since I'm not ready, you're going to have to look forward to the next generation of kids.. The little brothers and sisters of these new babies. I haven't given up on you though. That's why I'm writing you this letter.. Because I expect to give it to you one day so you can know that I love you more than anything before you even exist.. And I'm going to try harder.. because I may not quite feel like I can support you, I am certainly ready to meet you.
Love,
Daddy
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