5 Words..

This blog post asks the question, what 5 words define your life?

These are my five words:

sentimental creative narcissistic goof-ball mulatto

The author of the post talks about order being significant, therefore I tried to put my words in a significant order as well. The first four words are entirely internal. I stress how "mulatto" I am, but the primary source of my mulatto-ness is what people see.

I spend a lot of time in my own mind.. I appreciate black and white photos, asymmetrical landscapes, cloud formations, song lyrics, and other sensitive poetic bullsh*t. I try to focus on sentimental things rather than the harsh realities.

Everything I have ever been has always surrounded wanting to create. I used to draw. I come up with book, movie, and video game ideas regularly that I keep in a notebook. I write lyrics. I have older blogs where I've written things like stories, poems, analyses, and opinions. When it's gift time, I tend to make things rather than buy things.

For as long as I can remember I have longed for people to appreciate me. This stems into a desire for fame and constant attention. I was once told that it's not narcissism, at least in no extreme form, but that's how I have always perceived it because a large part of me cannot conceive why other people don't appreciate the things I do and am capable of.. And no amount of praise seems to quench my thirst. This is my curse.

I come off as quiet and withdrawn. Once I become comfortable around people, goofiness emerges from the silence. In fact, because I am most comfortable by myself or when I write, much of that silliness can be seen in my YouTube videos and my blogs.

I was born from a black man and a white woman. In addition, I grew up predominantly around black people. I typically speak like an individual of black decent with some, but not a great deal, of education. However, I went to high school and college with mostly white kids. Though my speech tells a different story, my grammar and spelling are very good. I've was born and have lived in both worlds, and they both have a large influence on me. I feel like an outcast and like I fit in anywhere simultaneously. From that has stemmed the idea that there are two sides to everything I do.. Two perspectives. Thus, I am mulatto in the physical and various metaphorical senses of the word.